Feeling Grateful & Moving Forwards

This post will be a little different to my usual ones but this is something I really wanted to share in the hopes it reaches someone else who needs it right now.

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{DISCLAIMER: This post does discuss some of the symptoms and issues surrounding depression and anxiety, so if you are currently struggling and find that this may be triggering for you, then feel free to skip this post – I completely understand. Also, it’s important to note I’m not a doctor and can only speak for my own experience in regards to getting a diagnosis}

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I am feeling really grateful about my life at the moment.

It isn’t perfect and I still have a lot of milestones to cover and things I need to change, but I am really proud of myself at the moment. This time last year was one of the worst for me both mentally and physically and I was struggling in a way I’d never struggled before. I felt like the ghost of my former self to put it poetically but in reality I was really losing who I was as a person.

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I had completely lost interest in the things I loved, was shutting myself off from people and feeling completely hopeless, but on the surface I was trying my absolute hardest just to get by on the bare minimum to avoid questions about how I was doing or what was going on in my life – I was completely ignoring how I was truly feeling and what I was going through.

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A combination of general life stresses, family bereavement, health worries, financial strains and ongoing anxieties coupled with a lack of confidence were eating away at me and I knew I had to do something about this, so around September last year I finally got myself the support I needed, and I haven’t looked back since.

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It’s taken me several months to finally really feel like myself again, and I’m proud of that. I still have a long way to go and I know that I need to work on this with lifestyle changes, routines and encouraging myself to talk to friends and family and be open with myself about how I’m feeling. Depression is a really complex illness that can be hard to pinpoint a specific trigger for, but it’s something that robs you of all that you are and all that you love. I just felt numb, and that’s not me. My friends and family know me for being bubbly, bright and fun, and I was losing that side of myself and I know this was difficult for my family and friends to see and hear about, but their continued support, love and gentle encouragement helped me get back on my feet.

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I’ve also been extremely grateful for the wonderful NHS staff who have been supporting me and finally found me a course of antidepressants which have really helped to bring me back up to a level where I can tackle the other issues which have compounded how I was feeling.  Medication is not a cure all, and what works for one person may not do so for another, but I am glad I trusted my doctor and persevered because the last few months have been pivotal in my recovery, and now I feel more determined than ever to get back on track with my life and actually start living again.

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I wanted to share my story here because I think it’s important to talk about these issues and provide support where we can, even if we don’t fully understand what someone may be going through, just offering love, comfort and a listening ear to someone can be a lifeline, and I know I need to do this more in my daily life with my own friends and family too. I also want to offer my own support here to anyone who may be struggling right now. If you want someone to talk to I am more than happy to listen, and for anyone who is feeling worried or unsure just remember that you are important and your health should always come first. I know it’s not always easy to ask for help but just know that there is a wealth of support out there, and while we often worry about what our friends and family might think of us, more often than not the response I have received has been nothing short of pure kindness and support.

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I am finally feeling like my old self again. I am taking better care of myself. I am laughing again (a lot). I am waking up with good thoughts in my head. I am determined to get things done. I am re-discovering things I used to love, like films, music and books that I hadn’t glanced at for years. Food tastes better again. I have more energy. I am sleeping better. I am excited about life again, and I couldn’t be happier. I know that I may have bad days again, but last year was the turning point for me and now I know what I need to do to truly manage this and look after myself and that’s the message I want to leave you all with.

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If you are struggling at the moment, please don’t suffer in silence and never feel ashamed or less than because of how you’re feeling. It’s perfectly OK to not be OK, and never berate or belittle yourself if you feel you aren’t getting better quicker or things are knocking you back. I’ve been on and off antidepressants and have been managing my symptoms since my late teens, and it is only now at 27, that I’ve finally got a proper handle on what I’ve been going through, so don’t give up, because there is a way out of this and I am living proof of that. 

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If you’ve made it all the way to the end, thank you, and if you want to message me please feel free to. You can use my contact page here on the blog, or send me a message through Twitter or Instagram, or even Facebook if you have me there too. The photos I shared throughout this post are just some of the most recent ones I’ve taken, and a couple of months ago I was struggling to leave the house to get out to take photos everyday, so while it might be a small achievement, it’s a big one for me and I hope these sunny skies lift your spirits if you need it.

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Sending all of you the biggest hugs.

Hope you all have a truly wonderful weekend!

Tasha

xxx

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11 thoughts on “Feeling Grateful & Moving Forwards

  1. Louise says:

    It’s great that you feel able to talk about this now and potentially reach out to others. I had no idea you had been suffering like this – from your blog etc I knew life hadn’t been the best but obviously didn’t know what was going on or that you were suffering in this way. I know what it’s like when life gets on top of me from time to time, when it feels like nothing is going to plan and everything feels negative but those are short term gloomy times and not depression, which luckily I’ve never experienced. I can’t imagine what it must have been like for you but I am very glad to hear that you recognised the need to get some help and have now turned a corner and made some progress. It’s great to see you blogging again and I hope things will continue to get better for you now, with the odd bad day thrown in here and there of course, because, well, that’s life!

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  2. Vickie Heyward says:

    Well done for sharing your story, it’s something that needs to be less of a stigma. Just want to echo your thoughts on antidepressants- some people seem to freak out at the idea, but if you had a broken leg you wouldn’t say no to a plaster and crutches whilst it healed!
    I really think having hope and optimism helps as even if you feel rubbish having hope for the future really helps.

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  3. Jade @ Captured By Jade says:

    Firstly, a huge ‘good on you’ for being so brave and sharing your story; supporting others with your own experiences. Mental health isn’t the easiest thing to acknowledge and talk about, so huge love & admiration to you for that.

    Secondly, I’m so happy to hear that you’re on an upward journey with a hold on your mental health now – finding what works for you is so important when it comes to depression (& other mental health illnesses), and I’m glad that you’ve been able to do that; taking back control of yourself & life. I know how hard that is, and I send you nothing but positive thoughts with regards to that.

    I don’t go into depth too much with my mental health on my blog (I have suffered with depression multiple times in my life – starting at age 9, literally – and am happy to say that with CBT techniques I haven’t had a depressive bout in over 5 years, but I do still battle with generalised anxiety disorder + social anxiety on a day to day basis), however my ‘The Everyday’ series, where I share my positive daily snippets comes adapted from one of the techniques I learnt in CBT – ending each & every day looking back over the day and reflecting on the little happies & things to be grateful for.

    This comment is getting really long – sorry – however I will wrap it up saying that if you ever want to talk, then I’ll be there all ears. Also, I absolutely love the daffodil picture you’ve shared in this post; so much happiness & brightness through the images & words.

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  4. LauraDaisyChain says:

    I’m so happy to read you’re starting to feel like yourself again, it takes a long time to recover and sometimes even the “easiest” of things can be the hardest.
    I hope things continue to get better for you Tasha, you deserve all the happiness ever.

    xxx

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  5. John says:

    Lovely to read that you’re feeling brighter. I went through similar times when I was younger and all I can tell you is that life looks pretty good once you get back into the swing. You’ll find the life that is right for you and it may be rather different from what other people expect. From an entirely selfish point of view I’m hoping that it will include lots of walks in, and photographs of, the wonderful Lakeland scenery.
    Take your time and
    take care.

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  6. Sarah says:

    Thanks so much for sharing your story! I think mental health is definitely something that should be discussed more openly. Glad to hear you are feeling better and more like yourself again 🙂

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  7. Kezzie says:

    I’m really glad you are getting much-needed help for depression. I sensed from your letters, where you didn’t really mention much about life or feelings or what had been causing you difficulty that you suffering but I didn’t want to probe in case you didn’t want to share. Hope that you can get back to YOU and feel happy.xxx

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  8. Kel says:

    Lovely Tasha, mush as it saddens me that you have been feeling like this, I’m glad to hear you are feeling like yourself again! Well done you for taking the steps you needed to look after yourself! xxx

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  9. Tracy Terry says:

    So glad to hear you are feeling more like you. A very special woman, thank you so much for sharing this very personal account. I hope it brings some small comfort to know how much love and support there is out there for you.

    Like

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